A National Coming Out
Room for Squares
Oh boy! It’s National Coming Out Week. Quick. Everybody, let’s all make like Clay Aiken and make a totally astonishing, never-in-a-million-years-would-anyone-have-guessed proclamation. Ready? On three. One. Two. Three. “Yes, I’m gay!”
Now, doesn’t that feel better? Like you’ve gotten some great big elephant off your chest and you can finally, after years of hiding who you really are by singing Broadway show tunes and donating your sperm, say to the world, “To hell with you and your antiquated, patriarchal notions of masculinity. I’m gay damnit, and I don’t need your approval.” Good for you, and good for Clay...well, sort of.
While we certainly have to applaud Mr. Aiken’s sudden change of tune, we also have to question his timing. Sure, his announcement came right around the same time as National Coming Out Week, which could only serve to buoy visibility wherever the spotlight may have previously been unfairly dim, but in addition to the message of self-love and openness, there’s also a fairly dangerous subtext. That his announcement came on the front page of a national magazine is one thing, but to have the words “Yes, I’m gay” tempered by a picture of him and his new born son basically renders his message mute.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with gay people having children in non-traditional ways and in non-traditional families. Mr. Aiken’s fatherhood is not an issue. Rather, it’s his decision to finally come out on the heels of his son’s birth that bears the precariousness of ill-timing. If we only felt safe to come out once our duties of primogeniture have been fulfilled, are we not then condemning those who don’t have childbearing wishes and abilities (or childrearing, for that matter) to a lifelong silence? By admitting to the world your homosexuality after you’ve had a child with the words, “Yes, I’m gay,” as if it were some long sought after confession or some admission of guilt, only serves to reinforce the patriarchal norms of those traditionally acceptable lifestyles that being queer and coming out aim so stridently to subvert. Where’s the transgression in that?
Sure, a large part of coming out is acceptance, both of the self and by the public. But a huge part about coming out is transgression, about turning your back on a lifestyle thrust upon you and embracing a path of your own making. It’s not necessary to go against “the establishment,” per se, but there should definitely be a little bit of sticking your middle finger up at it. If we really want to move forward to openly discoursing on topics of homosexuality and self-love (mind you, acceptance doesn’t always denote love), then we first have to decide to live life by our own terms. And that’s what National Coming Out Week should be about.
Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe Clay Aiken is living life on his own terms, in which case, more power to him. I’ll admit it. I supported him on American Idol just as I’ve bought copies of all his subsequent albums. What I won’t admit, however, is liking this idea of upholding the status quo, even in the face of making an announcement like that. All of which begs the question, is there a right way and a wrong way to come out?
Let’s face it. Front page coverage or not, it was never going to be a shock to find out that Clay Aiken is gay because his homosexuality just liked to bubble up to the surface. The same can be said for many of us. For some, coming out might be just a formality. But coming out is not a phenomenon necessary and exclusive only to those who can pass as straight. We should all be given the chance to tell the world who we are. And while there may not be a right or wrong way to do it, you would hope to change minds as well as diapers for having done it.
|
|
