Lasting First Impression
Room for Squares
One thing I’ve learned from the hordes of people who come for Pride is that, when it comes to meeting other people, people are weird. It just seems that the formalities of first impressions almost always get in the way of true introductions. Every single time I meet a new person, I find myself having to sit through an exchange of niceties that is neither informative nor interesting. Meeting people should be easy, and getting to know them should be easier still. We just have to steer clear of a few fatal mistakes.
Essentially, what we all want to know when we meet someone new is whether or not friendship with this person is viable. That, simply put, is the meat of the burger and the reason we want to meet people in the first place. The lettuce, the tomatoes, the buns? They all amount to unnecessary small talk. It’s always best to take a strict Atkins approach when confronting, and confronted by, strangers.
First off, let’s examine the nature of things. Strangers are, for lack of a better term, weird. They are not like you (at least not yet) and thus are different. So the only logical thing to do, after exchanging names, is to ascertain some mode of familiarity, to find any kind of similarity between the two of you. Now, all of this is presuming that A) you’re interested in this person, and B) he hasn’t yet displayed (at least to your receptors) an overpowering sense of disinterest in you. So, you press on.
One simple rule is to ask open ended questions. Do not commit the fatal error of throwing out a yes-or-no question. As stated earlier, you’re not yet sure whether or not this person is looking for any reason to bolt, so don’t give him one. A yes-or-no question would only aid his retreat. They are conversation killers. For example, imagine that you’re at a museum and you ask the guy you’ve been following around, “Do you like art?” Well, your first mistake was asking an obvious question. Your second was giving him the chance to respond with nothing more than what the question requires. If he chooses to, he could end the conversation with one word. Don’t give him that option.
Now that you’ve engaged him, for God’s sake, don’t ramble on about what you do, what you like and what you don’t like. If there is one thing that scares people away more than anything else, it’s intensity. There is no need to disclose every single detail about your life to an absolute stranger because he won’t care. Every time I’m subjected to someone’s life story or tale about his job and education, I zone out. True, I may have asked the question to begin with, but when my questions aren’t reciprocated I start to realize that the dude’s more interested in himself than me. And as his interest in himself goes up, my interest in him invariably goes the other way.
If you think about it, first encounters are some of the most unexpected, exciting and suspenseful moments. Why people restrict themselves to formal questions about work and school remains a mystery. Perhaps it’s the desire to stay close to the banal so as to remain as far away from the bizarre as possible. I don’t know. But c’mon, we’re gay. How bizarre can bizarre be? If you’re not eating babies with hot sauce for dessert, then chances are that whatever individual quirks you may have, it won’t matter. Every new person you meet embodies an entirely new history of experiences. There’s no need to stick to a 9 to 5 mentality.
Keep in mind that although making first impressions is important, it’s not always better to err on the side of caution. For instance, opening up a debate about the death of Sub Pop will tell you a lot more about a person than what he does to pay the bills. You may be meeting someone for the first time, but you want to make it last too.
|
|
